A daily must..

I have decided this.
Blogging should go hand in hand with this ridiculous insanity workout plan that I am doing. When I blog it clears my head and I'm able to see things for what they actually are.
So I need to do it.

I went through his phone. Found something I didn't like but wasn't his fault. And now he's mad at me for not trusting him.
Rightly so.
All of the things he has been telling me are true.
Why do I have this doubt in my mind?!
Does it all go back to the beginning? Back to when I was that other girl. Ol' girl as I like to call her. But from what I saw, she really isn't much.
I feel like I keep messing up and keep doing stuff wrong and keep apologizing and not doing anything about it.
My impulse just comes out when it comes to him. Like I can't control what's about to happen next. And it just plain sucks.
I'm supposed to just trust that everything he says is true because when I think back... He has given me no reason no trust him. I wish we could start over. That we could meet again. That all the good memories would be there but the bad ones wouldn't. Maybe that's how I need to treat it. Like a new relationship that I'm crazy about. I'm sorry for pushing you away. things will be better I promise.
Ugh.
&&Thats the Truth of the Matter