This Love is a Sure Thing.

Miguel CD is off the chain.

Easter Sunday, on the way to "daddy's" house...

Marqiese says, "this song reminds me of you"

Sure thing. -Miguel.

Two days ago I finally really listened to the song. 

WOW.

You believe in us huh?

Last night...

He says to me.

Aren't you sick of arguing?

I said..Um yeahh

He says; Then why do you do it? Why dont you just walk away.

Here is what I told him.

Through tears.

"Because I believe in the future. I believe in you and me, and I see us looking back on this time and saying 'Look at us. We made it, and it was all worth it.' We fight for this love. We argue for this love."

Arguments are so dumb.

I just wanna spend happy time with you!

In other news.

I am on day 11 of INSANITY.

I am seeing some results. I need to eat better.

This workout program is not only keeping me in shape but reminding me to keep my mouth shut about ol' girl for 60 whole days. Hopefully by then two things will happen. I will be amazingly hot, and she wont bother me at all.

Doin pretty well so far:)

This weekend should be fun.

Its Kelli's 24th Birthday on saturday and 'we goin outtt'.

The whole crew. Yeahh we have a crew now. And I am the only white person! Hahah!

But I have a bangin new outfit to wear to dinner. 

There will be pictures, best believe.

&& Thats The Truth of The Matter.

A gentle reminder

Dear Reader,
This message is for myself. To help me deal with this situation and do some changing...
You may disregard...

Dear Brittney,
You hurt him...
Be grateful that he wants to forgive you.
TRUST HIM.
You have to let go of the person that he used to be...
The situation with Alexis is the exact reason that he wanted to break up and start over again in the first place. So that you wouldn't feel the way you always feel about him..
In the past years, name 2 things he has done for you not to trust him.
Ohh.
You cant.
Remember how much he has changed, and how far he has come.
Give him the benefit of the doubt.
He has NO reason to lie to you now.
You're are not together.
If you don't chill out and stop being so stressful, and ornery, you will lose him.
Stop listening to everyone else about how you don't need that, and don't deserve that.
What he says and how you feel are the only things that matter!
Look at every argument, or something that bothers you, as a challenge to prove him wrong.
Be the girl you were in the beginning.
The one the would do anything, and not get upset about much at all..
Thats how you won him the first time,
DO IT AGAIN!
No problem.
TRUST HIM.
If you would've done that in the first place, you wouldn't be in this situation you're in now.
You don't have to be perfect.
Just don't be a stressor in his life.
Dont give him anything bad to say about you.
Dont let that girl get to you.
She means nothing in the big scheme of things.
You've got this.

A daily must..

I have decided this.
Blogging should go hand in hand with this ridiculous insanity workout plan that I am doing. When I blog it clears my head and I'm able to see things for what they actually are.
So I need to do it.

I went through his phone. Found something I didn't like but wasn't his fault. And now he's mad at me for not trusting him.
Rightly so.
All of the things he has been telling me are true.
Why do I have this doubt in my mind?!
Does it all go back to the beginning? Back to when I was that other girl. Ol' girl as I like to call her. But from what I saw, she really isn't much.
I feel like I keep messing up and keep doing stuff wrong and keep apologizing and not doing anything about it.
My impulse just comes out when it comes to him. Like I can't control what's about to happen next. And it just plain sucks.
I'm supposed to just trust that everything he says is true because when I think back... He has given me no reason no trust him. I wish we could start over. That we could meet again. That all the good memories would be there but the bad ones wouldn't. Maybe that's how I need to treat it. Like a new relationship that I'm crazy about. I'm sorry for pushing you away. things will be better I promise.
Ugh.
&&Thats the Truth of the Matter

And he is good, soo good.

Today has been a good day.
Its my day off. I love having Sunday's off!
I slept til 12.
Watched tv for a while, then went to get a mani/pedi.
Courtesy of Marqiese.
His mom told him that since I do his laundry, he should pay for me to get my nails done. I can appreciate that.
Then I did some housewares shopping at Ross:) Best place ever.
It has been an interested past few days.
Seems like its been filled with silly arguments.
Here is what I cannot understand.
Someone who sees everything so clearly and so far ahead, cant see what I see in this situation.
You say you wanna spend the rest of your life with me. That you want me to have your children...
So be with me!!
Why are you wasting time?
Why are you wasting your time entertaining the idea of someone else?
Because I did?
Clearly that was a mistake.
And now you are making the same one; Maybe a little differently, but a mistake nonetheless.
Spare her heart...
Cause she will fall, and it'll hurt.
Anyways...
Thats just my opinion.

In other news, my sister has love in her life again. And I am so happy about that.
Sometimes they have to go off and figure out what they want to come back and be everything you need. I have done it, marqiese has done it, daniel has done it...and it ok.
Like I told Daniel,
Thankfully they have girls who will wait for their love.
Cause good love is worth waiting for.
So you waited Shayla,
And I will wait now.
Again...
Oh love!

&&Thats the Truth of the Matter.

Maybe I was Much too Selfish...

Enjoying the sounds of Wreckers.
While I sit here in a grumpy mood for no reason.
I have been in this funk all damn day long.
Not sure if its because I just needed some alone time today or what.
But my face has been scrunched up since I woke up...

I am over this though.
We are not fighting. The old Brittney is coming back slowly but surely.
He wants to be with me; Marry me, and have children with me...
But we still cannot be together.
And she can still stay over.
I dont like that!
But every time I start to bring it up, I remember why we are in this predicament in the first place.
My dumb ass.
But how long does it have to go on?
Its been about a month and a half.
So many conversations, and fights, and really great times.
I am just so ready to be with him again.
To be his girlfriend.
To live together again...
To be on that old path again and never stray from it.

But let me get back to this website.
The old Brittney would stay up until it was finished.
Haha!!

&& Thats the Truth of the Matter...

The Difficulty of Forgiveness.

These past few month I feel like the word forgiveness has been thrown in my face on more than one occasion.
I wish I could research this topic before blogging about it, but forgiveness has nothing to do with facts, or statistics. It's a heart matter.
When do you know if you've truly forgiving someone for hurting you, or someone you care for?
Saying the words "I forgive you" really don't mean anything.
Kind of like, saying the words "I love you" don't really make you love someone.
I am not sure what is more difficult; Trying to earn someones forgiveness, or forgiving someone.
Neither one do you have any control over.
I cannot make you forget about how I hurt you. I cannot help channel your thoughts differently. I cannot take back the things that I did.
And you cannot force yourself to forget. You cannot pretend that you don't hurt, or that it doesn't make you sad every single day.
So, how can you really forgive someone?
Forgiveness and trust go hand in hand. I think that is where the difficulty lies.
When you are forced to make a decision on whether or not to forgive someone, that means that you have trusted them enough to be able to hurt you.
You have trusted them with your feelings, or heart, or even life.
And they have done something to betray that trust.
In order to be able to really forgive somebody, you must trust them with yourself yet again.
You have to feel that they are worthy of that trust.
I wish forgiveness was something that you could buy, or even see.
Maybe it'd be easier.
We are supposed to forgive people.
Especially the ones we love.
It is the trust that makes it so difficult.

People do deserve second chances. No matter how difficult that may be.
Time really does heal all wounds.
Eventually, you will forgive.
You will trust me with yourself again.

&&Thats the Truth of The Matter.

Happiness is a Choice

Our internet has been down for about a week now...and I have been going nutty knowing that I am paying for something that hasn't been working.

Since a few days after my last blog, I had another epiphany...

I have been happy.

I have been making a conscious choice to be happy.

To look at the positives in situations, and not the negatives.

Its amazing how helpful this can be to ones spirit.

For instance...

Yesterday I woke up around 9:30; I haven't be able to sleep past 10 for awhile now..

I got ready for they day. I wore a really cool yellow shirt bestowed upon me by my Mandeezy...

I drove to Princeton High to deliver a cookie cake and and some balloons to my sister Natasha who turned 17 yesterday.

On my way back to frisco, my car died. On the side of 380. Just DIED. I was fortunately able to halfway pull into this little mini driveway but my car was still hanging out into the road.

Thankfully I was fairly close to an autozone. So I began my trek in my white shorts and bright yellow top, to the autozone. The whole quarter mile wondering what our tax dollars are spent on if not sidewalks. Ugh.

This all happened around 11:45. I was supposed to work at 12, to meet out new District Manager.

About 10 minutes after arriving at autozone, a woman comes in and says that a police officer is at my car and they've called a tow truck. She offers to give me a ride to my car, and we turn out onto the road with the tow truck right behind us!

They ended up just picking my car up and pushing it up the driveway with the tow truck instead of towing it. I was sooo grateful I almost hugged the tow truck man!

Then a guy from the autozone, Ryan, takes my battery out and we head back and put it on the charger. 45 minutes later we discover that its not the battery so it must be the alternator.

I purchase a new alternator for 220 dollars!

I called firestone to see if they could change it out for me but apparently its against company policy to install customer supplied parts. They quoted me 650 for the new alternator and labor. HAHAHA!!

A different autozone employee, Wilbur, called a guy named Alex who is a mobile mechanic and he came out and took a look at it and said he could do it but it would probably be an hour before he could start. This turned into 2 hours but by this time I wasnt counting. It took another 2 hours for him to change it. But he only charged me 65. Then I got back 50 from returning the old alternator...

The old alternator; the cause of all sounds evil that had been coming from my car for weeks now. If you turned it over, pieces of metal just fell out! It finally gave up on me.

When Alex was finished, my car started quietly, I had saved about 400 dollars...and spent the day with some really cool and funny autozone employees.

There are good people in this world.

Ryan, spent his lunch break taking out my battery, and George spent his lunch break driving to another location to get the alternator.

Another guy whom which I cannot remember his name, gave me a soft taco from taco bell, and Wilbur gave me a great contact; Alex, who gave me an amazing deal.

Although I missed work, and wasted my day, I was happy.

Grateful for these wonderful people.

Grateful that my car didnt get towed.

Grateful that I had made it to my sisters school before my car died.

Grateful that my boss was understanding.

Grateful that I beat my high score on fruit ninja by 100 points;)

After this whole ordeal, I went to Chuy's and saw my boo and had a kids meal, and a frozen strawberry margarita!

I am choosing to spend my days happy.

In love.

With a good job, and great friends;

Wonderful sisters.

Nothing can get to me today:)

&&Thats the Truth of the Matter.

Benefit of the Doubt

Last night he didnt call me..or text me when he got off work...
It made me crazy..and I wanted to blow up his phone.
I assumed he was with Ol' Girl...
But he wasnt.
He was at home studying for a big test and wanted to focus on that.
I would've looked like a jackass if I has blown up his phone and acted crazy.
I gave him the benefit of the doubt and decided that he was probably just busy and would call me later and appreciate that I didnt act the way I wanted to.
And he did.
He called me.
Just to say goodnight and that he loved me.
So do yourselves a favor.
Give people the benefit of the doubt. It will save you embarrassment the majority of the time. Haha!

People do hurt you. But eventually you have to take them out of their box. Because they can change too.
And he has.
MTMS. I love you baby.
Thank you for changing into the wonderful man that calls.
Yayyy!

&&Thats the Truth of The Matter...