Not a True 'Blogger'

Thats fine. I have not written in months. Partially because I have had no free time, and also because I have been so overwhelmed with life that writing about it doesnt seem to do any justice.
So here I am.
3 weeks left of school and then a week of finals. Most of my class mates wont have to take finals, but I do because I have missed more than one of each class with going to Oregon and to Vegas. Vegas was totally worth it. Oregon not so much. The best thing about my trip was thrift shopping with my sister. Except we have completely opposite taste...
Thrift shopping is my new LOVE. I am obsessed and its all I want to do. The up-side to this is that I dont spend as much money at Charlotte because I know I can get sooo much more at goodwill. LOL.
Vegas...was the best time ever. I was kind of disappointed in the time I spent with Mandy...but things and people change. I think it was just the setting. (Mandy if you read this that is no offense to you, I love you)
Now that I am home, and 21, I am drinking away! Wine is my new favorite thing...Moscato preferably. Its great and gets the job done pretty quickly.
Marqiese and I are...well we are Marqiese and Brittney. The usual. Not together...but not apart. And thats just it. There's still so many things to continue to work on, but with both us working full time and going to school full time, AND living 45 min away from each other, there just isn't time. So we are what we are. I love him. And thats it.
School is AMAZING. I am making so many wonderful friends and getting so many fabulous opportunities. This trimester scholastically has been lame, and somewhat difficult, but I am excited for next trimester.
My lease on my apartment is up in 2 months, and I am moving out of frisco and to dallas so I can be close to school. I have found a roommate who I go to school with and she is pretty cool. I havent told Ashlea yet. Ehh. We havent talked in about 3 weeks:/
Work is also going well. I am finally about to get my raise. Our store is up 40% to plan and killing all the sales goals the company gives us. Todd loves me and thinks highly of me. The DM, and the RM both like me. I am going to the Galleria on Tuesday to help them out with their denim and I am excited about that. Tomorrow is the friday beginning tax free weekend. Pray for me.
I am going out tomorrow night to Lemon Bar and its going to be super fun. Hangin out with my new peeps from Wade.
Even though life is crazy and stressful and difficult, I love it.
&&Thats the Truth of the Matter

The truth is...Slow down!

(This is no criticism of anyone I love)
I log into facebook and my news feed is filled with acquaintances with new pics of their bellies, or newborns, etc.
My roommate/bestfriend has a 6 month old baby.
My 18year old sister is getting married.
I always tell Marqiese that I wanna get married, and have a baby.
Truth is...
I DONT!
Not right now.
Ashlea has to find a babysitter every time she wants to go do anything. She can't run out to her car unless she takes Kennedy with her. Don't get me wrong; Kennedy is beautiful and I have seen how much joy she has brought to Ashlea. But its crazy to me how life completely changes in just 9 months.
Shayla is getting married in April and at first I was jealous.
But I am no longer jealous.
Marqiese explained to me that hopes he has for our wedding, and it makes me wanna wait even longer.
I want something beautiful.
I dont want to have to sacrifice anything because I can't afford it.
Shayla and Daniel will have a beautiful wedding no doubt.
But I am glad I don't have to plan it.
I am glad Marqiese and I can pick up and go to Vegas for 5 days with no worries. School and work is enough for me.
By the time I have kids, I want to be stable; married, financially comfortable, have a home, etc.
Everyone says they dont want to be old when their kids are growing up. Well me either. But I also want to enjoy my young adult-hood!
If you love someone, and they love you, there is no rush!
SLOW DOWN!

You Don't Choose Your Family...

I have been here in Portland since Wednesday morning. My first day here was nice. I spent some time alone, thrift shopping. Then I had lunch with Shayla and her and I did some more thrift shopping. It was fun and relaxing. Every day after that has been annoying and frustrating. With little splashes of fun. My sister has been so stressed and grumpy that she smoked a
pack of cigarettes in less than 48 hours. That's a lot to me! My dad likes to have the answers to everything and that gets old...
The most irritating thing this whole trip has been the family expectations. Most people don't have both sides of their family in the same town but I just got lucky I guess. I have both grandmothers breathing down my neck. on Friday my mom's mom bitched at shayla because I had been here since Wednesday and hadn't seen her yet! Well excuse the hell out of me! She knew I was in town! I just have to visit everyone and do all of these things before I leave and have had no
time to just relax. That's what I hate about coming to Oregon. The time I spent with my family on Friday was interesting. I felt like I didn't belong. Like I don't belong in the Kuntzmann family or the Callaway family. I am just so ready for my own family. I didn't think they were funny, mostly annoying... but there are all these expectations.
I just can't wait to go home to Texas. Where it's hot! And my friends are, and my family aren't. And my BOO especially. You can choose a lot of things in life but you can't choose your family...
&&That's the Truth of the Matter..

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Too much time on my hands...

I wish my parents would have taught me to be financially responsible. They both have so much debt and bad credit and have loans out for all sorts of things...and I am on that same road.

And it sucks.

I am starting school this next week at Wade College majoring in Merchandising Marketing. I will have my associates degree by May of next year and then by May of the following year I will have my Bachelors, if it even takes me that long. I went through this whole process of school crap. I was going to just go to Collin College and take summer classes and then transfer to UNT in January. Come to find out, and and all of my credits from The Art Institute do not fully transfer. Ain't that some shit?! So frustrating. They day I found that out I went and had a meeting with an admissions advisor, Julia, who was wonderful! All of my credits would transfer to Wade which put my more than 2 trimesters ahead of everyone else. Pretty exciting. So I have orientation on the 6th, and then I go to Oregon on the 7th and come home on the 13th...

I am so excited to go visit my Dad and Shayla. Then she is coming home with me so she will be living in Texas again and I am glad. Two of my best friends moved within like 2 weeks of each other. The only thing that sucks is that school starts on the 8th, so I will miss a few days right at the beginning, which reallly stinks.

I got into a stupid car wreck yesterday. I was pulling out of the parking lot and this stupid lady who had her blinker on to turn didnt turn, so she hit me. My car is barely drivable. I will be going to work and back and that is all until we can get it into the shop...

I already made a claim on her insurance so we'll see how long it will take to hear back from someone.

I am trying to decide if I should move into student housing in October, or continue living with Ashlea. I love living with her but I think living with other girls that go to my school would be really fun. I think that is the direction I am heading.

Things with Marqiese are just blahh. Not great not bad.

He wants me to be patient so he can trust me again. Then we might get back together. I am just trying to focus on myself, and school. He seems to be doing the same. We spend time together when its convenient for us, but other than that, just talk a little during the day. Its weird. I'd rather have him in my life a little bit, than not at all. Hmmph.

Vegas is in a little less than 2 months. I will be 21! and I will get to see my BEST FRIEND! I cannot wait. Its going to be an amazing trip.

Anyways.. Just home alone today. Craving some McDonalds.

&&Thats The Truth of the Matter

This Love is a Sure Thing.

Miguel CD is off the chain.

Easter Sunday, on the way to "daddy's" house...

Marqiese says, "this song reminds me of you"

Sure thing. -Miguel.

Two days ago I finally really listened to the song. 

WOW.

You believe in us huh?

Last night...

He says to me.

Aren't you sick of arguing?

I said..Um yeahh

He says; Then why do you do it? Why dont you just walk away.

Here is what I told him.

Through tears.

"Because I believe in the future. I believe in you and me, and I see us looking back on this time and saying 'Look at us. We made it, and it was all worth it.' We fight for this love. We argue for this love."

Arguments are so dumb.

I just wanna spend happy time with you!

In other news.

I am on day 11 of INSANITY.

I am seeing some results. I need to eat better.

This workout program is not only keeping me in shape but reminding me to keep my mouth shut about ol' girl for 60 whole days. Hopefully by then two things will happen. I will be amazingly hot, and she wont bother me at all.

Doin pretty well so far:)

This weekend should be fun.

Its Kelli's 24th Birthday on saturday and 'we goin outtt'.

The whole crew. Yeahh we have a crew now. And I am the only white person! Hahah!

But I have a bangin new outfit to wear to dinner. 

There will be pictures, best believe.

&& Thats The Truth of The Matter.

A gentle reminder

Dear Reader,
This message is for myself. To help me deal with this situation and do some changing...
You may disregard...

Dear Brittney,
You hurt him...
Be grateful that he wants to forgive you.
TRUST HIM.
You have to let go of the person that he used to be...
The situation with Alexis is the exact reason that he wanted to break up and start over again in the first place. So that you wouldn't feel the way you always feel about him..
In the past years, name 2 things he has done for you not to trust him.
Ohh.
You cant.
Remember how much he has changed, and how far he has come.
Give him the benefit of the doubt.
He has NO reason to lie to you now.
You're are not together.
If you don't chill out and stop being so stressful, and ornery, you will lose him.
Stop listening to everyone else about how you don't need that, and don't deserve that.
What he says and how you feel are the only things that matter!
Look at every argument, or something that bothers you, as a challenge to prove him wrong.
Be the girl you were in the beginning.
The one the would do anything, and not get upset about much at all..
Thats how you won him the first time,
DO IT AGAIN!
No problem.
TRUST HIM.
If you would've done that in the first place, you wouldn't be in this situation you're in now.
You don't have to be perfect.
Just don't be a stressor in his life.
Dont give him anything bad to say about you.
Dont let that girl get to you.
She means nothing in the big scheme of things.
You've got this.

A daily must..

I have decided this.
Blogging should go hand in hand with this ridiculous insanity workout plan that I am doing. When I blog it clears my head and I'm able to see things for what they actually are.
So I need to do it.

I went through his phone. Found something I didn't like but wasn't his fault. And now he's mad at me for not trusting him.
Rightly so.
All of the things he has been telling me are true.
Why do I have this doubt in my mind?!
Does it all go back to the beginning? Back to when I was that other girl. Ol' girl as I like to call her. But from what I saw, she really isn't much.
I feel like I keep messing up and keep doing stuff wrong and keep apologizing and not doing anything about it.
My impulse just comes out when it comes to him. Like I can't control what's about to happen next. And it just plain sucks.
I'm supposed to just trust that everything he says is true because when I think back... He has given me no reason no trust him. I wish we could start over. That we could meet again. That all the good memories would be there but the bad ones wouldn't. Maybe that's how I need to treat it. Like a new relationship that I'm crazy about. I'm sorry for pushing you away. things will be better I promise.
Ugh.
&&Thats the Truth of the Matter