Our Wedding Kiss...

We stayed up until after 4am. Who am I these days? Haha! A year ago I never could've stayed up until 4am without whining. But I did...and we watched TV on Hulu...and cuddled. 

We woke up at 12 since neither of us had work/school this morning which is rare. 

I am laying there and he cuddles up to me and asks how I want our wedding kiss to be. This question made me happy to answer, and to demonstrate. 

How is it that one day, you wanna marry someone, and the next day you never wanna speak to them again? Why do our feelings change so often? 

Because feelings are not fact. They are temporary and subject to change.

Feelings should come with a disclaimer. 

Side affects: Spewing of words mixed with any emotion, confusion, lack of reason, etc.

There is another side of it all...

More side effects: Unearthly happiness, indescribable sensations, glowing.

Let me get to my point.

Yesterday while I was blogging, I was frustrated, and angry, and felt so dumb and ignorant.

Tonight while I blog, I feel peaceful. In love; Grateful for him and others in my life. I feel that unearthly happiness. 

He gives me a sense of security in my life. 

I dont wanna go to school, but he pushed me to it anyway because he believes in me. He gives me hope for a future that I never thought was possible. He forces out this side of me that I want to come more natural. This at-ease human being that can roll with the punches; no matter how hard those punches my be.

And the statements above are facts, and will never change.

&&Thats the Truth of the Matter

A little bit of a control freak.

So I woke up this morning, on my day off, in a relaxed, lazy kind of mood. Of course that had to be disturbed with an argument between him and I.
Naturally.
We are going to Vegas for my 21st birthday. He asked me the dates and said he wanted to invite some people. I freaked out and got heated before I could even snap my fingers. There it started an hour long dual which included, cussing, yelling, and hanging up on. Awesome.
I dont know how at the end of every conversation I feel like I should be wearing a dunce cap...but I do.
Why is it that I have to react to every conversation like someone just did me wrong and I have to make a scene about it so everyone knows how upset I am.
I want to get to the place where no one can upset me unless I decide its worth getting mad about...
So we are arguing back and forth and he said he just wants me to trust him. Trust that when he does things, they are usually not what they seem to me. Especially since my perception of things is clearly askew. Damn.
I have to take him out of the box that I have had him in for the past 4 years. The guy that was always hurting me. Clearly he is not that person anymore. When I used to treat him that way, he deserved it...but now he will leave if he is not treated right. Kind of like I always threatened to do... But he does what he says he will do unlike me so if I dont get my shit together, he will leave me. Never speak to me again, and be ok with it. Like he said. He got over a 2 year relationship once, and could do it again if he had to.
The good news is this...
He wants it to be me.
I need to stop acting like the victim...I am the one that needs to fix some stuff now and start treating him how he deserves to be treated. Because he is finally treating me the way I deserve to be treated.
There is another part of this whole thing though.
I am a control freak.
I like to do everything myself. I like to know the plan. I have to have things done the way I want them done.
I think that is another reason why we get into so many arguments. The other night for instance. We were gonna go to Olive Garden for dinner but it was too late by the time we got there. So...we didnt go. And I was grumpy and pissed off because things didnt go according to how I had it in my head. I should've just been grateful that he was walking around Kroger with me instead of ol' girl.
I need to learn how to submit to him. Especially if I wanna be with him forever. Which I do.
He is trustworthy. Its been years since he really truly did me wrong. So get the heck over it already Brittney! Damn!
From now on, I will trust you. I will give you the benefit of the doubt. Which means...since I dont know all of the answers and you understand most things better than I do, I will assume that what you think is best. Haha! I really have nothing to lose at this point...
So here goes.

&Thats the Truth of the Matter.